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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Meme fotográfico

primero ir al folder fotos, luego elijo el cuarto folder... luego elijo cuarta foto...

(changos en la mac tengo casi todo regado, sin folders, pero a ver qué sale)




Bueno, no estuvo mal, algún día en el centro, con mucha gente, pero había un evento especial, sólo que no recuerdo cuál.

Me gusta ir al centro :)
acompañada

buenas memorias

¿Cómo voy a tener algo que decir si no hago nada?

Desde hace ya varios meses, si no es que un año ya (¿o más?) me siento muy, pero muy desganada. No sé por qué, pero siento que mi vida perdió sentido (¿acaso alguna vez lo supe?), me refiero a que siento que perdió sabor, no me siento la misma y no sé por qué, como que el último año de la universidad me parece algo difuso, como si tuviera una capa de vaselina en lo ojos y todo lo viera borroso.

Siento que en la prepa era tan feliz, hacía muchas cosas, practicaba deporte, leía, hacía tareas, iba a buenos toquines, caminaba largas horas por el centro, bueno, basta resumir que no me daba una paranoia excesiva salir a la calle y era más libre.

¿Qué pasó? Entonces hoy pensé que me lamento mucho no tener nada que escribir, más que mis quejas, porque siento que mi vida dejó de ser interasante (para mí).

He conocido sin lugar a duda más gente, he asistido a más conciertos, he salido más, he ido a más fiestas, pero... por alguna extraña razón de repente me sentí vacía.
Creo que sin lugar a dudas la separación de mis padres fue un schock y ahora que lo pienso, han sido dos años bastante pero bastante bizarros, sin embargo, los veo como algo no claro, siento que el tiempo se fue y no siquiera me di cuenta.

Creo que lo bueno de esto, es que hoy estoy despertando, bueno creo que ya tiene rato que desperté, y me di cuenta de que algo no andaba tan bien como yo quería, la cuestión es que ahorita la espera sólo aniquila mis fuerzas y me siento cotidianamente falta de energía, tan falta de mí misma, que no tengo ni la fuerza para levantarme o hacer algo, qué poca fuerza de voluntad tengo :(

Me quejo de la maldita obesidad, de la fuerza que mi cuerpo ha perdido, de que ya casi no escribo, de que leo poco, de que me duelen las piernas, de que no puedo parar de comer, en fin, pero no logro hacer nada por ello, no sé por qué sigo pensando que algún día mágicamente llegará la fuerza y diré, basta, es hora de hacer algo por ti misma.

Ni siquiera diré que me gustaría pensar que esto me animará si quiera para salir librada esta semana, no, mañana estaré igual, ida, sin chiste y algo muerta.

Han pasado cosas me han hecho más débil, llena de miedos, como salir a la calle sola, lo detesto con todo mi corazón, lo detesto. Odio que en la calle me digan vulgaridades o algún intento de piropo, lo odio con todo mi corazón y sólo me tensa mucho.

Como no me gusta salir a la calle, no soy capaz de ir a correr y hacer algo de ejercicio, como no hago ejercicio, me siento deprimida y no tengo las fuerzas para hacer algo en mi casa, hay días que ni siquiera me baño porque "para qué", y así estoy, viendo pasar los días.

Espera, termina ya y lléname de fuerzas.

qué post tan basura.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Because I am not lucky enough to be in your sorroundings

Dear Mr. B:

I must start with the word "luck", which in this case the definition is far away from what some people might think while speaking about you: money, fame, famous friends, etc.

Right now, the word "luck" is intended to be taken more as a possibility, as a position in the world, in certain places or sorroundings. For example I might say that you don't have the luck to be enjoying with a rural family, a nice and traditional meal, and after that be amazed by their religiosity and their show of respect with dances. The cosmovision of human is difficult, the cosmovision of the indigenous peoples is so intrincated. It is such a different world.
Perhaps you are not interested, but perhaps you are, and the thing is, that if you would decide that, you would be lucky to do that, because your position in the world helps you to do a simple thing like that, travel to a country, find someone who knows about that and that can help you to make a differnt and novel trip, having a new vision of the world, learning whatever you want to cath up from the experience.

On the other hand, I am not lucky enough to catch a plane, meet you where ever you are, say hi and start a conversation. And all because I don't belong to you social circle. You know what?, that pisses me off, because all the chances of getting to know you are terribly low. Guess what, because of a "different" world. The thing is, this is not a different world as the one i have described above, no, this world is almost the same as mine, but with a small difference: fame.
Gosh!, saying that fame is stupid, is even more stupid, because that then would eliminate any possiblity of this alternate reality of the so called glamour, fans, touring aaaaaaaand, a wonderful presumptuous team of people who is in charge of making any possibility of getting to you almost impossible :(
Ok, i admit it, my world is not almost the same then, but, why? You see, this is my point, your world is there where i don't have the slightest luck of one day getting to you because you are like someone different, someone far away from the poor mortals down here just dreaming of a simple thing, been lucky enough to one day be invited to some of those "gorgeous" parties full of celebrities, looking to a corner and watching you there standing all by yourself just waiting to talk to somebody nice, or in any case, just waiting to walk away from that person, but at least i was close enough to try it.
Or, being one of those poor mortals singing your songs, watching you playing the guitar and been lucky enough to get a backstage pass to talk with you. No, no, that is reserved to... i don't know who. I mean i am not saying that you should be disposed to meet every fan and have a deep conversation with them, but at least being open enough to share some minutes with him/her... wait a minute, i am rambling, of course i think you should be disposed to do that, in any case that is the reason why you have a place in that other silly world. I don't care if it sounds impossible, every time you could do it (i mean not being hurried up at an airport or busy with your schedule) you should it. The thing is that might even more impossible 'cause i guess you are always busy, -or not interested- in that world where we (the common mortals) don't exist.

But that is just a bit of my anger speaking, because of course i don't want just some minutes for asking the normal questions, about the next album, the expectations about the concert or whatsoever, no, i would want the opportunity to meet you and have a normal conversation as any other two strangers that popped in that precise moment into the life of each other; and then, let it flow.

The problem is, how would that by any chance might happen?... NEVER :(
Because i will never be invited to one of those parties or be allowed to enter backstage.
I mean, because there is also the other side in which you are not even interested in this "crazy" luck or possibility to happen. Probably if by any chance a lucky fan gets to approach you, you will give an autograph, probably change some words, and then leave, because you are not interesting in mixing those "two" worlds in which i dream that in few minutes we would have a nice chat and then you would say: hey i would love to talk more with you, meet me after the concert. (or something like that)

you cannot blame us for liking you, you are out there showing your beautiful face, but in simple words you are just any other normal guy who had the chance and the talent to be infrot of a musical project and get to be knowed by a lot of people, so how not to look at you?... the thing is we (I am) are not lucky enough to be seen by you, or even get considered.

That is sad, because if i would be lucky enough to walk around the same sorroundings you do, i might have a chance to meet you. Or if you were not out there in that musical project, then i might have never known about you and never wanting to meet you. Of course there is always two sides, but in this case it just exists one, because you do are part of a musical project, you are indeed known by some people and that's why i know you and dream of getting to you, because i like you.

Then you might ask: "and why the hell you like me? you don't know anything about me" that is part true, because i do know your face, the way you play the guitar infront of an audience, your voice, and your music; well man, that is the start anyone needs. If you wouldn't be famous, (and i would be lucky enought to be close to you) the reasons would't change that much, it is just that i would know your face, the way you play the guitar infront of me or friends or acquaintances, your voice, your music.
You might also ask: "and why the hell i should like you? I don't know anything about you"... well that's is total fair and common question, and i cannot tell you here exactly why, but that is the point, i would like to have the opportunity to show that you.


I won't even think of the possibility of rejection because the possibility of knowing you doesn't even exist, so... what the hell, let me dream that one day you will read this and will say: i would love to tak more with you, meet me after the concert.


Like Oscar Wilde once said: "I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.”
(Don't feel so overwhelmed -or delighted- by thinking you are the best :P, probably you are not, but that would be also a wonderful thing to discover and then for me, in a positive case, you would be the best) (in a negative case, well, i would leave saying, i tried it, better that than never knowing) (The thing is that we are both humans, with flaws, faults and beyond)
OR: “Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives" (i mean the stupidy of writing this)
OR: “They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever.” ;)

PS I think i wanted to say more or to "explain" more, but my ideas are a bit messy and would just arrive to the same point, i am not lucky enough to get to know, but i would love having the opportunity. I refuse yet to accept that you are
unattainable.

Catársis

Por alguna extraña razón nunca pude llevar un diario escrito en tinta y papel sin embargo, la tecnología me brinda una oportunidad de gritarle al viento (o a quien pase por aquí) lo que pasa por mi mente (como si importara jaja)

Para qué quiero un diario íntimo si puedo gozar del gossip y los devaneos :D

No sabré las cosas profundas de la cibernética y computación pero oh señor!, dime redes sociales y blogs y me apunto! (bueno, más o menos ^^)

No me puedo resistir, así que estoy de regreso, a ver cuánto me dura el gusto.